5.16.17 3 Defining Moments
A little #transparencytuesday meets #transformationtuesday.
A lot of people have had so many amazing compliments about the professionalism and growth of my business. (Yay! Thank you!) But asked me to share more about the girl behind the brand.
I ask my clients everyday to be transparent, to seek answers to tough questions, to dig deep to conquer from within. I can't ask you to do what I am not willing to. So, today I share three big transparencies that changed the course of my life dramatically.
I'm not sure I ever publicly shared this, but I feel it's an important stepping stone in my journey of freedoms, both mental and physical. I ask you to be fragile with this information as it is not easy to share but I know that my courage in being transparent has the potential to impact one person's life.
I did an incredible job keeping my ED under "control" or so I thought. I lived alone this year in college and it was easy for me to hide away in my apartment and not eat. I remember challenging myself. It was like I'd give myself a high five if I could wait until late afternoon to consume anything. I was running on black coffee, green tea pills and fat burners. I lost 40lbs super unhealthily from September to December of 2013. Below are three defining moments in my journey to conquer from within. These three specific moments replay in my head as a daily reminder to love myself, all of myself, and that I am worth it.
I remember walking down the hall of my state college apartment, alone and on my way to class, dipping in and out of a black out that seemed to occur way too often. It was spotty and a blur. I remember rubbing my eyes to clear my vision while simultaneously taking a deep breathe and reaching for the wall to grasp onto. Within seconds I was lying face down on the floor of my hallway. After coming out of my daze and realizing where I was at and what had happened I quickly staggered to my feet. This wasn't the first time I was "light headed", I actually didn't know what it felt like to not feel like this anymore, but it was the first time my body completely buckled and surrendered. Unfortunately, it wasn't my last.
I was filming the THON 5K as part of the ENT committee something I was so grateful to be a part of. I remember arriving excited to have the opportunity to make an impact. A friend handed me the camera, which felt like a million lbs and I began to film this incredible event. Moments later, I woke up surrounded by paramedics taking my vitals, asking me emergency contact questions and making a call to my mom back in Philadelphia.
I was rushed to the hospital, emitted immediately, poked and prodded at, hooked up to IVs and questioned to no end. My heart rate was so low they had to check my pulse multiple times and they had a difficult time drawing blood. I spent the night in the hospital. I'd let not only myself, but the people who cared about me down. A team of specialists had to speak with me about the impact of my decisions. It was this moment of realization that if I didn't seek help now, if I didn't make some serious changes, that I may not wake up one day.
I finally had the courage to get my lifestyle on the right track and the growing self love to admit that I deserved more. With the help and guidance of some amazing people, personal growth, self loving activities and faith I was able to healthily gain back not only the weight but my life. Unfortunately, my body had a lot of damage done. I found myself shivering in a cold sweat one night, temperature through the roof, and my lower back in incredible pain. I ignored it, trying to identify it as a simple cold or strained muscle due to a lifting injury. Thankfully my mom, a nurse, made me go to the hospital. What I thought was going to be a quick IV hookup and doctor check up, cost me a week of hospitalization and serious treatment to help get me healthy again. We found that because of what I had done to my body over the years, I was no longer able to digest protein as quickly as others. Because of my athletic diet and matching grams of protein to lbs, I found myself rolling on the floor in pain, again something I ignored. I met with a specialist and we came to an amazing compromise.
Fast forward to now, I share these three moments with you, not out of pity but because I don't wish this on anyone. In the beginning I didn't realize what I was doing was "wrong". I didn't realize I was making serious decisions that would effect the rest of my life. I was undereducated and desperate because I didn't love myself.
Today I challenge you to reflect. Do you love yourself enough to make healthy choices for your body and life ? Do you love yourself enough to treat your body with the care it deserves? Do you love yourself enough to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself "I am worth it"? Do you love yourself enough to make a change, the change you deserve ?
It is scary, but you'll never have to do it alone. When you're ready, I am here, always. 💙
"I've found my Original Motivation. Let me help you find yours."